-- Keeping It Going
what attracted you to your partner? Know that
all relationships no matter how short or long
go through a variety of phases. There is the
initial dating and courtship and infatuation
period. If the relationship continues, it
settles into a more stable time of building
a history as a couple. If children enter the
picture, that is a new phase. Later, there
is another phase of being together as a mature
couple with the wisdom of experience. Life
is what happens while you were making other
Romance is about real life, not about dreams
and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday
on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are
about taking time to enjoy the company of
the person you love.
We all know that it is possible to keep passion,
romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive
through the years, but we also know that many
relationships settle into a kind of friendly
(or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every
relationship has it’s ups and downs,
but there are tools that can keep passion
perking right along there are also a lot of
other distractions away from harmony such
as nosey friend, family, money issues, a lack
of time together and so on, but if you tackle
your relationship day by day in each phase
the issues don’t seem so big any more.
If there is a momentum of positive attitude
most relationships survive a lifetime! Look
at some of the tried and true ways of love:
- Have a vision. Talk with your partner about
your dreams for the future. Know where you
both want to go and how you’d like life
to be. Have something to look forward to together.
- Give each other compliments. Saying thanks
and showing gratitude, especially in front
of the children, leads by example. It shows
how important you are to each other and that
you are working as a team
- Be attentive. Paying attention to the details
of life is important. Pick up your own trash,
and pick up for each other. Put things away,
help each other with the small projects around
the house. These things are the currency of
- Communicate. Talk through your worries,
and concerns. Don’t let things fester.
Have lots of open conversations and communicate
your needs and listen to his/hers.
- Be gracious. Small surprises can create
huge rewards in a relationship. Taking a moment
to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or
using the good china, or cutting a flower
from the garden and putting it on the table,
are examples. All these things add color,
spice, and graciousness to our lives.
- Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens.
When it happens to your spouse, be smart!
Take the kids to the park for an hour, order
Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her
a break! This is the reality of life. Allow
- Remember. Remind each other regularly about
what it is you love about each other. Take
the time to tell your partner what you love
about being with them. Show them appreciation
and remember the times you make each other
- Be sincere. Tell the truth about your feelings,
and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective
way. Share your disappointments and fears,
but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes.
Keeping secrets kills passion.
- Be funny! Life seems to have supply its
own stress and worry, but we have to provide
the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time
to tickle each other or rent a funny movie,
and do it often. The couple that laughs together,
often does other fun stuff together, too!
- Be generous with love. I’ve saved
the best for last. After a survey of dozens
of couples, the big 3 items that showed up
over and over began with "give little
gifts". Surprise each other with flowers,
candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often.
Do it for no particular reason. Do it because
you love each other and thought it would be
nice to show it with a gift.
- Book in special time alone together. Make
a date to go out or just have a romantic night
in. Treat this as a special event and get
excited about it. . Dozens of couples ranked
time together as the most critical component
in keeping romance and passion alive.
- Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps
more than sexuality. Couples talked about
the importance of scents, of candles and flowers
and walks on the beach. They talked about
making love, but mostly they talked about
back rubs and holding hands, and creating
memories. They talked about getting dressed
up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping.
They talked about being playful and finding
their own way. You can do this!
- Be Understanding. Over a lifetime, people
change. Hopefully, your relationship will
change and grow and mature with as you change.
One of you will change careers, the other
will change religions. One will have an illness,
the other will make a mistake. Relationships
either bend and flex with the winds of life,
or they break.
- Work as a co-parenting team. Agree standards,
how you want things to be done around the
home and how they will be enforced. Also agree
on who will enforce them and how you will
support each other in doing so. Make sure
you communicate with everyone concerned.
By implementing these tips you’ll be
able to sustain a healthy, happy relationship
with your partner even when the situation
seems to be fighting against it.