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Phallic Facts about Your Phallic Tool

  1. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).
  2. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don't care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li'l guy.
  3. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.
  4. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.
  5. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor's looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you're not.
  6. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they'd make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.
  7. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That's Greek for "amazing swimmer with large penis." Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.
  8. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained. . . . Okay, we'll shut up now.
  9. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It's estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.
  10. Are you a grower or a shower: An international Men's Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.
  11. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?
  12. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better "semen displacement" you'll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That's according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the "scooping" mechanism of the penis's coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.
  13. The penis that's been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784 -- that's about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It's good to be king.
  14. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm -- and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.
  15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.
  16. Worlds Largest Penis

    Men have always considered their penis size as an important factor in their sexual and psychological health. With an enlarged penis comes self-confidence, more active social and sexual life, and of course, a certain edge in the ongoing subconscious battle for the position of the alpha male. Consequently, the question on many men's minds is who has the largest penis. Many studies have attempted to answer this question, but the results have been conflicting. Of course, the matter of man's penis size is not a very ideal subject for objective study. The reason is that all men want to claim the honor of having the largest penis. Moreover, countless ways exist these days to keep artificially augmenting the natural endowment of any man. Thus, it has become harder and harder to determine the answer to this question.

    For the man's most pressing sexual concern, the first thing to be done is determine if his penis size at least meets the averages. There are several statistics dealing with today's average penis size. Generally, Caucasian males have an erect penis size averaging about 6.2 inches long, with an approximate circumference of 3.2 inches. However, studies conducted as early as 1795, have invariably shown that the African Negro race has superior penis length and roundness. Contrary to this, the studies conducted by the famous Kinsey Institute report only a minimal advantage for Negro races, whose genitals measure 6.3 inches in length and 3.7 in circumferences. In order to be closer to the truth, more conclusive data should be gathered in this area since the sampling of test subjects done in that particular Kinsey study yielded only about 50 black males as opposed to the 2,500 Caucasian males. This unequal sampling of penis size does not prove the figures given beyond doubt.

    Now that the averages have been established, it would be proper to tackle the matter of the world's largest penises. Unfortunately, the more precise details like the names of those blessed with the record-holding penises are very elusive pieces of information. However, the penis size information itself is easy to find. The largest, but unofficial measurement was obtained by Dr. David Reuben. He was able to encounter a subject with a penis size that was 14 inches long, when erect, in 1969. This amazing information, however, remains unverified to this date. Thus, the official rank of the largest penis size belongs to a man measured and documented by Dr. Robert Dickinson in the earlier part of the twentieth century. This record-holding penis was 13.5 inches in length and 6.25 inches in circumference. Several other studies from Alfred Kinsey, and other known scientists yielded impressive results, which ranged approximately from 9.5 to twelve inches.

    At present, various claims from men all over the world have been made to several institutions stating that they possess even larger penises. The problem with the present claims, however, is that men nowadays are presented with so many opportunities for self-enhancement, that it becomes difficult to judge the validity of their claims. The present record holder's penis was measured in the earlier part of the 1900's, which nullifies most of today's technological advancement in penis enlargement. Thus, until this date, Dr. Dickinson's documented case remains to be the most valid candidate as the alpha male of the species.

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