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Phallic Facts about Your Phallic
Tool
- There are two types of penises. One kind
expands and lengthens when becoming erect
(a grower). The other appears big most of
the time, but doesn't get much bigger after
achieving erection (a shower).
- Smoking can shorten your penis by as much
as a centimeter. Erections are all about good
bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood
vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So
even if you don't care all that much about
your lungs or dying young, spare the li'l
guy.
- No brain is necessary for ejaculation.
That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding
a living vessel for said ejaculation, however,
takes hours of careful thought and, often,
considerable amounts of alcohol.
-
Doctors can
now grow skin for burn victims using the
foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin
can produce 23,000 square meters, which
would be enough to tarp every Major League
infield with human flesh.
-
An enlarged
prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction
and premature ejaculation. If you have an
unexplained case of either, your doctor's
looking forward to checking your prostate.
Even if you're not.
-
The average
male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23
seconds. Which means if women were really
interested in equality, they'd make sure
we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.
-
The oldest
known species with a penis is a hard-shelled
sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos.
That's Greek for "amazing swimmer with
large penis." Which officially supplants
Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.
-
Circumcised
foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin
on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward
the tip and set in place with tape. Later,
doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights.
Years can pass until complete coverage is
attained. . . . Okay, we'll shut up now.
-
Only one man
in 400 is flexible enough to give himself
oral pleasure. It's estimated, however,
that all 400 have given it their best shot
at some point.
-
Are you a
grower or a shower: An international Men's
Health survey reports that 79 percent of
men have growers, 21 percent have showers.
-
German researchers
say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes,
50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting
5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good
or that bad?
-
Turns out
size does matter: The longer your penis,
the better "semen displacement"
you'll achieve when having sex with a woman
flush with competing sperm. That's according
to researchers at the State University of
New York, who used artificial phalluses
(ahem) to test the "scooping"
mechanism of the penis's coronal ridge.
Next up: curing cancer.
-
The penis
that's been enjoyed by the most women could
be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly
deflowered 37,800 women between the years
1770 and 1784 -- that's about seven virgins
a day. Go ahead, say it: It's good to be
king.
-
Better-looking
men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers
showed women photos of guys who had good,
average, and lousy sperm -- and told them
to pick the handsomest men. The women chose
the best sperm producers most often.
-
The most common
cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation.
Some risks are just worth taking.
- Worlds Largest Penis
Men have always considered their penis
size as an important factor in their sexual
and psychological health. With an enlarged
penis comes self-confidence, more active
social and sexual life, and of course, a
certain edge in the ongoing subconscious
battle for the position of the alpha male.
Consequently, the question on many men's
minds is who has the largest penis. Many
studies have attempted to answer this question,
but the results have been conflicting. Of
course, the matter of man's penis size is
not a very ideal subject for objective study.
The reason is that all men want to claim
the honor of having the largest penis. Moreover,
countless ways exist these days to keep
artificially augmenting the natural endowment
of any man. Thus, it has become harder and
harder to determine the answer to this question.
For the man's most pressing sexual concern,
the first thing to be done is determine
if his penis size at least meets the averages.
There are several statistics dealing with
today's average penis size. Generally, Caucasian
males have an erect penis size averaging
about 6.2 inches long, with an approximate
circumference of 3.2 inches. However, studies
conducted as early as 1795, have invariably
shown that the African Negro race has superior
penis length and roundness. Contrary to
this, the studies conducted by the famous
Kinsey Institute report only a minimal advantage
for Negro races, whose genitals measure
6.3 inches in length and 3.7 in circumferences.
In order to be closer to the truth, more
conclusive data should be gathered in this
area since the sampling of test subjects
done in that particular Kinsey study yielded
only about 50 black males as opposed to
the 2,500 Caucasian males. This unequal
sampling of penis size does not prove the
figures given beyond doubt.
Now that the averages have been established,
it would be proper to tackle the matter
of the world's largest penises. Unfortunately,
the more precise details like the names
of those blessed with the record-holding
penises are very elusive pieces of information.
However, the penis size information itself
is easy to find. The largest, but unofficial
measurement was obtained by Dr. David Reuben.
He was able to encounter a subject with
a penis size that was 14 inches long, when
erect, in 1969. This amazing information,
however, remains unverified to this date.
Thus, the official rank of the largest penis
size belongs to a man measured and documented
by Dr. Robert Dickinson in the earlier part
of the twentieth century. This record-holding
penis was 13.5 inches in length and 6.25
inches in circumference. Several other studies
from Alfred Kinsey, and other known scientists
yielded impressive results, which ranged
approximately from 9.5 to twelve inches.
At present, various claims from men all
over the world have been made to several
institutions stating that they possess even
larger penises. The problem with the present
claims, however, is that men nowadays are
presented with so many opportunities for
self-enhancement, that it becomes difficult
to judge the validity of their claims. The
present record holder's penis was measured
in the earlier part of the 1900's, which
nullifies most of today's technological
advancement in penis enlargement. Thus,
until this date, Dr. Dickinson's documented
case remains to be the most valid candidate
as the alpha male of the species.
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